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1、交♥配♥季来了施莱德It,smatingseason,Shred.鸟儿在空中交欢公蛙粘在母蛙身上Birdsdoitmid-air,frogsattachedtootherfrogs,还有动物顶着垃圾桶泄欲alotOfdumpsterhumping.空气中弥漫着爱意1.oveisintheair.爱根本不存在1.ovedoesntexist.你还在为艾米丽的事苦恼吗AreyoustillmoaningaboutEmily?这都好几个月了Itsbeenmonths.她撕碎了我的心弗兰克Sheblewupmyheart,Frank.你俩都没在一起过Youwerenteve
2、ntogether.难以置信她选择了里克Well,Ican,tbelieveshechoseRick.你都没向她表白过Younevereventoldheryoulikedher.好吧要说遗憾我是有的Yeah,well,regrets,Ihaveafew!你够了出去Alright,thatsit.Getout.我现在心情很好不想被你破坏minararegoodmoodandyourebringingmedown.快出去Getout.我才不出去呢好吗mnotgettingout,ok?我已经过了试用期我们现在是搭档了mnotonprobation,wearenowpartners.今非昔比了Th
3、ingshavechanged.但我是高级搭档所以我说了算Well,maseniorpartnersoImaketherules.出去Getout.根据局里规定根本没有高级搭档Seniorpartnerisnotarecognizedcategory这一说accordingtodepartmentregulations.我杳过rIchecked.局里还规定Regulationsalsostate制♥服&hearts必须保持干净整洁thatyouhavetohaveastain-freeuniform.幼稚Childish.没错是很幼稚但也相当爽Yeah,itschildishan
4、ddeeplysatisfying.所有可用单位Allavailableunits,收到报♥警♥卡彭街21号♥的保龄球馆里有浣熊reportofraccoonsinabowlingalley,21CapenStreet.12号♥车响应两分钟后到达Truck12responding,twominutesout.友情提醒浣熊好像喝醉了Wordofcaution:theraccoonsappeartobeinebriated.这就有趣了Thatskindoffun.他们是从空调管道进来的然后找到了吧台TheycameinthroughtheA/
5、Cductandhitthebar.这些家伙都满21岁了么Theseguysall21?这场而跟极限运动会的庆功派对有点像Yeah,thisremindsmeoftheXGamesafterparty,除了浣熊少点butwithlessraccoons.这些家伙都满18岁了么Theseguysall18?弗兰克已经用过这个梗的美国版了FrankalreadymadetheAmericanversionofthatjoke.不错Nice.哦天呐各位他是在Ohgod.Guys,ishe.满足某种恋物癖吗Satisfyingaveryspecificfetish?欢迎来到交♥配&hea
6、rts;季各位Welcometomatingseason,everyone.所以我都自己带球ThisiswhyIownmyownball.哇好吧Woah!Alright.咱们把这些垃圾熊猫弄上车1.etsgetthesetrashpandasinthetruck.这位小朋友请上23号♥球道Iwantmylittlefriendinlane23.好的浣熊Ok,raccoon.知道吗Youknowwhat?这样我们得填一堆文件还很不人道Itsalotofpaperworkandwildlyinhumane.走吧我让你你朝施莱德扔一个Comeon,I1letyouthrowaballa
7、tShred.但这不一样It,snotthesame.施莱德你看到了吗Shred,youseeingthis?一得搞几个硬币一是啊Weneedquarters.-Yeah.你有硬币吗Doyouhavequarters?-Uh.游戏厅里还有更多只Theresmoreinthearcade.你负责抓娃娃机我负责游戏厅Yougettheclaw.Igotthearcade.如果厨房♥还开着让他们开始开火吧Ifthekitchensopentellemtostartfrying.我出来后会很饿的mcomingbackhungry.嘿小家伙Hey,littlebuddy.想打高分么Goin
8、gforahighscore?我要订这个带私人热水浴的套房♥鸣Oooh.ShouldIbookthesuitewiththeprivatehottub?还是不要了Probablynot.太晚了已经订满rToolate,itsbooked.在考艾岛度过七个美好日夜SevengloriousdaysandnightsinKauai.虽然是在多雨的那面但这价格还挺合适lt,sontherainysidebutIgotagooddeal.抱歉孕妇能泡热水澡吗Sorry,canapregnantwomanevengoinahottub?可以泡可以浅浅泡到小腿中部Yeah,shecandoa
9、lightsoakuptothemid-calf.哦真幸运Oh,luckyher.宝宝月不只是为了犒劳妈妈ABabyMoonisnotjustforthemother.但脏活累活都是她干的呀Yeah,butshe,sdoingallthehardwork.你从下面挤出什么来了吗What,reyoupushingoutofyourvagina?她什么都没订也没计划过Shebookednoneofthis,noplanning.酒店滑索按♥摩♥都是我订的Thehotel,thezip-line,themassages,thatwasallme.我需要休个假好吗Ineed
10、avacation,ok?It,sjust这次怀孕真的要把我折腾死了Thispregnancyisjust.Itskillingme.瞧瞧这个家伙1.ookatthisguy.你和里克没养狗吧YouandRickdidntgetadog,didyou?那就意味着Causethatdbe-这是一个很大的承诺Thats-Imean,that,sabigcommitment.没养他是我在停车场发现的No,Ifoundhimwanderingintheparkinglot.我给他做个扫描看能不能找到他家人mgonnagethimscanned,seeifIcanfindhisfamily.好吧祝你好运
11、Oh,ok.Wellum,goodluck.他超级可爱吧好了回头见He,ssupercute.Alright,seeyouaround.没错你就继续望眼欲穿吧“Ohyeah,justkeepstaringlongingly.这样就能追到她了Thatllgetitdone.哦别移开目光这会打破魔咒Oh,dontbreakeyecontact.Itllbreakthespell.真希望他能找到一个家Ihopehefindsahome这样就不用受你惊吓了sohedontgetcreepedoutbyyouanymore.他没有被吓到Hewasntcreepedout.对了忘告诉你们了我和维多利亚看到
12、了阿肯色Hey,Iforgottotellyou,VictoriaandIgotArkansas.我们累计有46个车牌了遥遥领先了Thats46licenseplatesforuswhichputsusinthelead.阿肯色Arkansas?不可能No,youdidnt.是真的因为我之前一直Wetotallydid,becauseupuntilnow以为它的发音是阿肯萨斯IthoughtitwaspronouncedAr-kansas其实不是我蛮困惑为啥不这么叫It,snot,andmveryconfusedastohowitsnot.所以你们是碰巧忘了告诉大家Andyoujusthapp
13、enedtoforgettotellus你们看到了最罕见的车牌thatyougotoneofthemostelusivelicenseplates,比波多黎各或美属萨摩亚还难得吗onlytoppedbyaplatefromPuertoRicoorAmericanSamoa?你是说我们是骗了Areyoucallingusliars?对说谎的骗子mcallingyoulyingsacksofliars.好吧我不喜欢骗子这词但感觉Yeah,andIdontliketousethe1.wordbutrightnow你俩感觉都在吹牛bothofyourpantsareonfire.好的新规则Ok,new
14、rule.光看到车牌不算数还要附上一张Thelicenseplatedoesnotcountunlessitisaccompanied从警车里拍的照片byaphototakenfrominsidethetruck.因为我再重复一次下流肮脏的骗rBecause,again,dirty,lousyliars.我会拍照片的lltakethephotos.好大家听好了Alright,everyone,listenup.行吧你的小气根本影响不到我Hey,yoursmallness?Ithasnoeffectonme.两周之后我就漫步在热带小岛的Intwoweeksmgonnabeloungingonthebeach沙滩之上了inatropicalparadise.对了说到沙滩Hey,speakingofthebeach-没错你会被淋个落汤鸡的小气鬼Yeah.Youllbesoakingintherain,tightwad.时断时续的阵雨还挺可爱的Intermittentshowers.Itsactuallylovely.她刚说大家都听着Shesaidlistenup谢谢贝塔尼接下来就交给我吧Thanks,Bettany.Um,1cantakeitfromhere.嗯嗯你大胆说Alright.Thefloorisyours.实际上我有个小小的想法Ok.Um,actual
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